Jeff Bezos, the creepy looking Amazon founder, and CEO held a hastily called press conference in front of the 100-foot polished brass plated blast-proof doors guarding the entrance to his underground headquarters at the base of Mount Rainier.
He called reporters together to address recent rumors and make clear that he has “No illusion or aspiration for the office of president of the United States.”
Reporters in attendance struggled to hear Bezos over the din of endless dodecacopter drones whisking heavy machinery into the subterranean factory/AI hive/research facility.
Bezos explained that a step down from his current position to the office of POTUS would be a mistake on par with “having a Facebook account in this day and age,” but left open the idea of a lateral move.
“I would certainly entertain taking a position of comparable importance and meaning… something along the lines of Prime Minister of Earth.”
When asked if he meant “earn” or “seek” such a position, Bezos answered in his normal, matter of factly manner,
“No, I said take the position. That’s what I meant.”
Bezos likes to think of himself as the king of the solar system, and all known solar systems in the universe universe.”
His wife didn’t agree and dropped him like a hot rock receiving $36 billion dollars from their divorce settlement.
Of course this article has a theme song. (Source)
The wealthiest creature in the Galaxy has more important things to do besides being your President, like sucking the precious bodily fluid out of the Moon.