By Jim Campbell
February 28, 2019
Attachment styles are something that many of us are blissfully unaware of, even though they dictate how we go about our relationships. (Source)
Ever wondered why you act a certain way in every single relationship? And then keep making the same mistakes?
It’s probably down to your attachment style, which can be linked back to your childhood.
If you feel insecure in your adult relationships, keep wanting to check in on a partner or starting arguments about where they’ve been, identifying your attachment style could help you change your behavior.
Why knowing your attachment style is important
Barbara Honey, relationship counselor at Relate, says, “It’s very helpful for people to identify their attachment style, even if they’re not seeing a counselor. (Source)
It ought to come up in relationship education at school, because if people did start thinking about it at quite a young age, and recognized they had a bit of a problem, they could do something about it before it all starts going pear-shaped.”
Identifying your own style will also allow you to figure out if you’re compatible with your partner, long-term.
Barbara says, “Different attachment styles will fit differently together as well. If you’re both [on the] ‘anxious’ [end of the spectrum], it will cause you many difficulties.”
Unfortunately, we often don’t know another person’s attachment style until we’re in a relationship with them.
“People who end up being very possessive and controlling often start by being very charming and loving!” she adds.
“It’s easy to be fooled by the charm and the love, and then get trapped in a very controlling relationship.”
“That’s the couple where they don’t do everything together, they have their own interests, they go out with friends as well as with each other, they’re not jealous of each other, they’re not possessive, they don’t keep checking in with each other, they don’t need to keep texting or phoning to see where the other is because they’re confident in the relationship.”