By Jim Campbell
January 30. 2016
Oakland, CA. Police were among the first to respond when a meteor hit them during their protest yesterday.
The number of dead and injured are still being counted.
Many may never be accounted for as they were hurled into the abyss.
Talk about a great way of dodging alimony and child support.
The BLM activists had gathered outside police headquarters to protest the shooting of a dark-skinned man in rural Afghanistan who allegedly did not drop his missile launcher when ordered to by Afghan police.
In an effort to calm the angry crowd, Bay Area geologist Stanley Lapide was brought in to shed the light of science on the bizarre occurrence, but instead he ended up inadvertently causing further disruption:
“The victims of this meteorite came here today to insist that their lives mattered.
I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but they were wrong.
You could say that their lives mattered a little bit.”
“The victims were vaporized, some molecules from their bodies drifted upwards and have been sucked into a jet stream.
According to calculations I’ve just done in my head, that would yield a .00002 percent chance that they will affect the weather in some very imperceptible way, perhaps by adding a few drops of water to a light drizzle over some remote stretch of the Atlantic Ocean.”
But, this event, will surely be used by “Man caused global warming,” hysterics as they begin to spend their time and resources linking meteor formation with fossil fuel being burned on earth.
So, do black, white, or any lives matter he asked?
By that time, news of the unprovoked tazing had spread via Twitter with the hashtag #geolivesmatter, and dozens of faculty members from UC Berkeley’s Earth and Planetary Sciences Department showed up with signs reading “Geo Science Lives Matter” and “I’m Giving A Free Public Science Lecture, Bro, Don’t Taze Me.”
Later, when an armored police swat van accidentally backed over several of the scientists, the rookie officer who had only joined the force the day before and had forgotten to put on his glasses that morning was yanked out of his vehicle and beaten by a group of angry Stanford geophysicists who had just arrived by bus.